Sex before marriage, sex after marriage, virginity, tradition, love, marriage, sexuality aren’t we tired of hearing those same topics for years! Well, the big question is “has the society changed or is it still lacking behind modern thinking?  Since years sex is considered as a taboo in most reserved countries. We are not allowed to talk about it, think about it, as it is considered as a “bad” thing. In extreme cases, it’s also referred to as cheap and vulgar.

Growing up in a country like India and choosing a career where you have to talk about sex, to be honest requires guts. Pallavi Barnwal is one such person. She is a 35 year old single mom and is a certified Sexuality Educator. Although she personally prefers the term “expressionist” instead of education as she thinks the term education compartmentalizes things and is definite. Whilst, sexuality is dynamic in nature and is an ever changing force. One’s way of feeling and expressing it keeps on changing as they grow up, so is different at all stages in their life. Here, she gets candid about how she shifted jobs and what is it like to be talking about something, which is considered taboo by most.

1. How did the thought of becoming a sexuality educator occur to you?

I took inspiration from my own suffering because growing up I did not have the information on what is happening to my body, why am I all of a sudden, attracted to a guy sitting behind me in school. I had no one one to look up to who can answer these questions of mine.

2. Tell us about Redwomb.com

It is a content platform which is dedicatively created space for sexual expression. We talk about lot of topics which come under sexual expression, desires, myths, sexual culture (Kamasutra). Also it is providing one, a platform to talk about personal sexuality. We tell individual stories because you will not learn from data or statistics, you will learn from stories. They have a better impact and are unforgettable. Basically, integrating learning with story telling.

3. From a Corporate Employee to a Sexuality Educator – how was this journey?

I will not sugarcoat this – it is very difficult. To be very candid, I had a highly paying job but I had an insignificant role becuase the firm was the huge. My impact was very small. But now as an expressionist, I am a self-employed person, not dependent on anyone, which in return has given me an appetite for risk. And now that I am doing a rather more difficult thing, it has made me realise the importance of an emotional support system. I am incredibly thankful of my partner for supporting a woman who talks about sex. Also, it makes me feel good that the kind of work I do now is making a hug e impact in people’s life.

4. Which personal experiences made you realize the need of sexuality education, taboo-free conversations around sex and counseling?

Yes so as I said earlier, I didn’t have anybody to talk about my confusions and dilemmas when I was a teenager and was growing up. Me and my father have talked once, about my relationship which was back in 2009, when I was reeling under a heartbreak. I was distressed and anguished because the man, abandoned me. Also, the sole reason my father even knew about this relationship was because I was about to get married to him. And the only thing he said to me was, “Forget him.” In India, it is also a taboo for a father and a daughter to talk about the daughter’s pre-marital relationship. So after this eventually I did got married, but the guy was not a right partner for me. The history repeated itself.

After I became a Sexuality Educator, and while I was reading and going through the curriculum, I realised that A heartbreak is a teachable moment for a person. It is a moment where you reflect upon what went wrong and what you could have done better. And this is something which my father should have told me a decade ago, if not the same, atleast something encouraging. It has now become, very important for parents to start talking to their children about relationships and sex.

5. What is your take on monogamy, polygamy, polyamory?

I believe that it is mostly upto an individual and everyone has a different attracting attribute. And practically speaking, it is not that easy to find a person with all the qualities you like. So, in that case if anyone wants to up a level I support it. Also, it is impossible for a single constituition of monogamy/marriage to give justice to a population of over one billion. Just make sure you don’t hurt someone or end up getting exploited.

I’ll sum it up by saying- To each, their own.

6. What do you think are the core reasons due to which Indians feel shameful, embarrassed to talk about their sexual feelings and face communication problems? How do you advice to overcome them?

Our relegious and social conditioning has been done in a way which makes us feel shameful towards sex. Even the clients who come up to me, resist talking about sex like its an act of shame. It is mostly because of fear of being judged, ridiculed which makes people not talk about their sexual feelings.

My advice would be to let go off the inhibitions, accept your sexual freedom, embrace it and express it.

While talking about her future plans, she mentioned that she now has reached to the video mode and has started her own Youtube channel as well where she will be bringing other people as well to talk about their sexual feelings and experiences which will enable her to break the ice and push the boundaries, for which we wish her all the best!

Male Partners Who Disregard a Woman’s Right and Need for Safe Sex is a Daily Struggle