One seeks a marriage or a committed relationship for  a sense of security, stability, a feeling of belonging, understanding, love and companionship.

Men and women differ in their viewing, perceiving, receiving, and understanding of thoughts, feelings and behaviours. And so do their responses.

Since decades we have been toying with the idea of ‘opposites attract’. How true or how untrue is it? Does it really hold good? Or is there a different facet to its understanding?

Any two individuals can have personality traits which are either similar, different, or polar opposite.

People are drawn towards each other on the basis of likeness initially. Partners coming together in a romantic relationships often begin with some common ground between them, rather than the differences. Common core values, interests and likes, traits, life purpose and expectations from life- drive people towards each other, personally & socially. These factors may not be visible to the conscious mind at the first go but it is the gut-feel that signals the attraction, as the subconscious mind feels it. The subconscious mind is able to grasp that mutual compatibility and understanding will relatively be higher if there are strong commonalities than differences.

Having common interests makes it easier for them to spend quality time together, have more conversations and get a better understanding of the other person, to begin with. A similarity in upbringing; exposure to similar environment during period of growth or common parental traits- these help partners to better  view each other’s core values and identify with each other. External appearance, level of education, financial attainment, career achievement, social standing may play a role but can take a backseat in presence of strong clarity and similarity in life purpose.

It is more of the ‘complementing’ traits that give a feeling of ‘completeness’ by the presence of the other partner, rather than ‘opposite’ traits. Example: A reserved personality may find a friendly partner attractive because she/ he balances the silence & quietness, keeping away boredom.

We often are subconsciously attracted to traits that are missing in our personality, and imbibing which would bring more ease into our lives. A vagabond trait in a person finds harmony in a more emotionally stable person; like Ranbir’s character in Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani finds security in Deepika’s rested, content & stable personality. An over-thinker needs to learn to ‘let go’; hence finds comfort in a happy-go-lucky individual.

It is believed that a certain degree of stress is needed to drive us or else we stagnate. Similarly a little degree of difference in traits is needed at times to keep it interesting and balanced. It allows the other partner to discover more of you, willingly accommodate the difference and thereby add a new aspect to your relationship. The partner then feels accepted and understood.

Too many differences between partners may create anxiety & arguments over opinions and choices, lowering the element of security. The relationship may become imbalanced. Discords & conflicts may result.

It is more important to understand the differences that exist and work around them. Like I always said, partners in a marriage or a relationship are like 2 travellers, driving their own individual vehicles, trying to match pace with each other. When one is ahead and the other lagging behind, either the former slows down or the latter speeds up, as per the possibility. It is all about what they are willing to do as a couple.

Differences or no differences in personalities, one always evolves when trying to understand the partner and there is a constant addition to the love in the relationships.

“How Men and Women Behave Differently in Relationships?” Relationship Advice by Dr. Preeti Chawla